A Welsh rugby supporter analyses the effectiveness of Cameron Self’s poetry.
Oh, aye, well, I dunno, really, like, it’s a bit difficult like, coz I don’t read a huge amount of poetry, I know the wandering around with a daffodil thing, the Charge of the Fire Brigade like, Shakespeare, you know, well, I think it’s like up to you like, you gotta make up your own mind, yeah, I’ll have another, yeah, same again, but, er well, you know, it’s one of those things like, you don’t really get it sometimes like, he’s from Norfolk, oh aye, that’s quite a way from here, I think, it’s the other side of Hereford, Birmingham, or somewhere, got a turkey farm, I know that, coz I read about the bird flu or mad cow disease or something like, then they have canary farms too, I think, the football team is the Canaries, they wear yellow, on their website they sell insurance for the house and car, green and yellow like, I suppose coz it‘s the colour of the canaries, tribute to the bird I suppose, I dunno, it seems like it, used to have canaries in the Valleys years ago, yeah, okay, I’ll have another pint, yeah, testing for methane gas or something, stick the bird in the gas leak, if it snuffed it like, they cleared of to the top of the mine like, the whole bloody Rhondda ready to explode, what? No he can’t, you stupid bugger, he’s a flanker not a fly half, you fool, you can’t switch like that. People like animals though, there’s the British Lions, the Wallabies, the French got the cockerel, the thing running round the Arms Park scared stiff, the French forwards looking at the thing, the winger trying to tackle it, crashing into the advertising hoardings, getting a cracked head before kick off, talk about using your brains, before you do anything, Yeah, well, it’s um an interesting book like, there are a couple of poems in it like, a couple in the beginning and a few in the rest of the book like, yeah, okay, you get it, it’s my round, no, no, I’ll pay, you just queue up at the bar, I’m in erudite academic discussion at the moment like, okay, right, the one about getting into university and the concrete boat like, what can you make of that like, you know, difficult to float the thing, innit, what d’you think, Emrys, oh he’s with the young lady there, that’s the end of him tonight I expect, can’t blame the youngsters though, can you like, you know, one of those things like, nature running through its course or something, yeah, they go to a college of education these days, thick as two short planks, mention Owain Glendower, they think it’s the bloke in the corner shop, yeah, things are terrible now. Cameron wrote these himself, is that right, talented to write like, bit like, oh what is it, oh, what was his name, hey, Geraint, what’s the bloke from Swansea, no, not the pop singer, the bloke who wrote a lot and drank a lot, that’s right, Dylan Thomas ‘Under Milk Wood’, brilliant like, a classic here it is, Robin and his merry men, no that’s something else isn’t it, ah, right, what? No he can’t, he’s under contract to Pontypool till the end of the season, no, it’s in the ‘Echo’, why don’t you buy it, well, in that case try reading the bloody thing as well, yeah, writing’s a wonderful thing,, how green was my valley, all that sort of thing, you know, yeah, okay, get me another, yeah, Felinfoel, what? Run out, make it Brains then, this landlord, he’d be out of business in any other place, useless bugger, yeah, right, um, well, I guess we gotta make a move soon, pop in for a curry and chips on the way back like,, nice meeting you, very interesting, no, that’s not right, who told you that? They must be an idiot, you get tickets from the clubhouse; don’t be stupid, well, yeah, nice to meet you, yeah, makes a good present for the children I imagine, funny like, who the heck are Foxy and Flecky? Bloody queer names, oh, they’re the players, alright, yeah, I got it, that’s cleared things up a bit, I’m with it now, right, bid you a very good night, that’s Nos da Ta-raa, oh, what’s ‘Norfolk Poet’ mean, see there, ‘Norfolk Poet’, what’s it mean? Oh, a poet from Norfolk, oh right, I get it, he comes from Norfolk, so where’s he going then? No, I mean if he’s come from somewhere... oh, you mean it place of origin like, is it, right, I get it. Whose bigger, Flecky or Foxy? They’re looking back in retrospection, is that right, okay, got that, clear now. Right, well, um, er, excellent book, yeah, right, ta-raa then, take care.
Nice bloke; haven’t got a clue what he’s going on about, can’t spell, qwik, wot etc, went to university too, no, I haven’t hear of it either, thought the place was rugby league, the North Sea fishing fleet, must stink there, but that’s their way of life, innit. Hey, you lot, catch this.
A Norfolk turkey came from a farm with warm air
onto my plate, when it was there,
I ate it,
bit by bit,
with an aperitif of apple juice…
Dylan Thomas the second, you are, boy; brilliant. Hey, you think turkeys came from Turkey?
Why not, they could fly here.
