Monday, February 23, 2009

Oscar cinema

The Guns of Navarone
     Based on a true World War Two incident in Greece, it tells the story of a group of Allied soldiers with a Greek guide who try to blow up huge Nazi German guns on a Greek island, by climbing up a sheer rock cliff, using hot tea for energy, helped by local Greek resistance, all of whom speak fluent English. They are betrayed, and then caught by the Wehrmacht and Gestapo, all of whom speak fluent English. In the end, they blow up the guns, and the Greek, who has spent much of the film sharpening his knife to kill Gregory Peck, then forgives him.

     James Robertson Justice is the suave, rather posh Director of British Intelligence, and Richard Harris, an Australian pilot whose favourite word is ‘Bloody’. He has lost most of his squadron, being unable to bomb a crack in the cliff and climb at the same time, a law of elementary Physics clear to the most ignorant filmgoer. Both of them appear only for a few minutes in the beginning.

The Nuns of Gaborone

     Based on a true Apartheid Era incident in Botswana, it tells the story of a group of Allied nuns with a Bushman guide who try to blow up a huge South African hotel in a Botswana game reserve, by climbing up a sheer rock cliff, using biltong for energy, helped by local bushman resistance, all of whom speak fluent English. They are betrayed, and then caught by the South African Bureau of State Security, all of whom speak fluent English. In the end, they blow up the hotel, and the bushman, who has spent much of the film sharpening his knife to kill Gregory Peck, then forgives him.

     James Robertson Justice is the rather posh Director of South African Intelligence, and Richard Harris, an Australian pilot whose favourite word is ‘Bloody’. He has lost most of his squadron because they thought the main Okavango watercourse was the runway.
Both of them appear only for a few minutes in the beginning.

The Jones of Aberbone

     Based on a true early Twentieth Century incident in Wales, it tells the story of a group of Allied Bakery amateur fishermen with an English guide who try to blow up a huge Scottish brewery next to a rugby stadium, by climbing up a sheer rock cliff, using sesame street buns for energy, helped by local Welsh resistance, all of whom speak fluent English. They are betrayed, and then caught by the South Wales Police, all of whom speak fluent English. In the end, they blow up the brewery, and the Englishman, who has spent much of the film sharpening his knife to kill Gregory Peck, then forgives him.

     James Robertson Justice is the rather posh Director of Welsh Rugby Coaching and Richard Harris, an Australian pilot whose favourite word is ‘Bloody’. He has lost most of his squadron because they confused mine sweeping operations with cleaning the colliery. Both of them appear only for a few minutes in the beginning.

The Moron by the Beach

     Based on a true end 20th century incident in Malaysia, it tells the story of a teacher who was unable to get funding for a film about marking homework.

     James Robertson Justice is the rather posh headmaster of the school, and Richard Harris, an Australian pilot who has lost most of his squadron because he was unaware of the Royal Malaysian Police policy of not permitting firearms, including operational Wellington and Halifax bombers with crew, into the country. Both of them appear only for a few minutes in the beginning.